I Don't Have Nothing To Hold
by ohstar
Summary: CampRockStory Oneshot Songfic to 'Autumn'.I cried until there were no more tears left. He shed a tear. Only one. Centres around a letter just to tell someone how much they mean. Suprise pairing. Joex?


**I don't have nothing to hold**

Helloooooo! This is a JoeDemi (Doe/Jemi!) oneshot songfic to Paolo Nutini's song 'Autmn'. But I had to change something with some of the lyrics just to make it fit the storyline better. Don't worry, nothing huge. Instead of 'because you still live on in my father's eyes' its 'cause I might see you in my dreams tonight'. Wait-did that give away some of the plotline? Oops.

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Demi POV

I slowly pick up the blank piece of parchment and a pen. It's time to get this over with.

**Autumn leaves under frozen souls**

**Hungry hands turning soft and old**

_Dear, Joe..._

_My love. My life. I love you._

_It's fall-your favourite time of year._

_FLASHBACK (in bold/italic)_

**_Joe and I laughed, watching the leaves fall all around us. Soon enough, the sun had set and we were standing side by side in the piles of leaves, our arms wrapped around eachother. He kissed me softly, and whispered my full name. I quickly faced him, because he NEVER called me that. He then told me the 'important news' as I cried until there were no more tears. It couldn't happen. We were supposed to grow old together, and be one of those old bickering couples. He shed a tear. Only one._**

_END FLASHBACK_

**My hero cryingas we stood out there in the cold**

I have to look away, because my eyes are filling with tears, it's blurring my vision and I don't want to show my weakness. No, I won't let it happen. I can't. This is for him. I put pen to paper, and slowly continued writing.

_It's been ten years, Joey._

_Ten years away from you, and my world is gone._

_I miss you. I really, really miss you._

_My life's empty without being able to hear your booming voice and that laugh._

_And without you holding me._

_Why'd you have to go?_

_No one here understands how I feel about this..._

_I mean, sure, Nick, Kevin and Frankie do-but no one else._

_Even your mom and dad. They never mention it. You were my superman, (a/n: inside joke...) and they pretend you never exsisted._

_I miss your hugs, Joe. There's no one else to hold me. I need you._

**Like these Autumn leaves I don't have nothing to hold**

Wow. This is harder than I thought it would be. I mean; he just... left! Without warning. Well, there was some warning. But still! Why'd it have to be him? My eyes fill with tears, and they slowly start to run down my face. God, I miss him. I continue writing, because I promise myself I'd do this.

**_FLASHBACK:_**

**_We were at another event for our movie. We had just come out about being a couple, and it had become a media frenzy. People screaming our names, telling us to look everywhere. I only looked at him. He grinned down at me-my favourite smile._**

**_END FLASHBACK._**

**Handsome smile, wearing handsome shoes**

_I hope you knew how I cared about you. How much I love you, and how much I always will. How much I've always loved you, Joey. They all said we were too young to be in love. We proved them wrong, didn't we, Joey?_

I let out a low chuckle before I continue crying. All the memories that haunt me run through my head. They say I should be happy we had a relashonship; but it's not fair. It's not fair that we were seperated.

_I hope you know I love you, Joey. I might be younger than you; but I'm sure you always knew. You always knew, actually. I could never keep anything from you; you knew me too well._

**Too young to say though I swear he knew**

_I miss your songs, Joey. And your voice. I miss how, no matter what, you would never stop faith. You'd always believe, and stay positive._

**I hear him singing while he sits there in his chair**

I look out my window, and what I see only makes me sob harder. It's the leaves, they're floating around-just like the day we met. The day we met, the day he stole my heart.

**While these autumn leaves float around everywhere**

_Hey, Joey... Do you miss me? Do you ever think of me? You won't answer, but I just hope you know that I really wish you do. I remind myself of you so much sometimes. Except for the happiness; that's gone from my life. _

It's true, I hadn't sung or acted since it had happened. I told my fans I needed a 'break.' I never came back, but I think they understood it was too much. Being on stage reminded me too much of him. He loved the stage.

**I look at you and I see me, making noise so restlessly**

_My life's really quiet now, Joey. You're the one that made it so head-on loud, anyway._

_Remember how, before it (a/n: you guyz should maybe have figured 'it' out by now) happened, you'd always sing? And never stop? I think I'm going insane, cause sometimes I can hear your last words to me._

**But now it's quiet and I can hear you saying**

**My little fish don't cry, my little fish don't cry**

I glanced out the window again, hoping not to see the leaves. What I saw was worse. They had stopped. No where in sight. In an instant, they were gone. Just like him. When you least expect it, it's all gone.

**Autumn leaves have faded now**

_Remember how you always used to smile at me? Even when you were really sad, you'd always smile. And it was never fake. Not once._

**That smile I lost well I've found somehow**

_I miss that. Your smile. Everything about you, really._

Every word I wrote was true. But, in reality, I missed everything about him. I hadn't moved since it had happened; I wanted to remember. But, at the same time; I didn't.

_Maybe I'll sleep tonight. I hope, cause whenever I'm able to, you're in my dreams._

_You're there, smiling and dancing and singing away. But, it's just us in the room. Sure, there's other people, but we can only sense ourselves._

**Cause I might see you in my dreams tonight**

This was too much. Way too much to handle. I had tried to forget the dreams; tried to forget him in general.

_I just want you to know I love you, Joey._

_I always have, and I'll never stop._

_I miss and love you, Joey._

_Yours forever,_

_Demitria Lovato_

I slowly folded up the envolope, my hands shaking. This was it. Time to face the object I hadn't seen in ten years. I pulled on my light winter coat, since it was cold. Once I stepped outside, I pulled it closer around me. I had been cold for ten years; only being in his arms would warm me, and that wouldn't happen. It _couldn't_ happen.

I wiped the tears that were slowly mking their way out of my eyes. Stupid emotions. When I glanced up to see how close I was to my destination, I could see people staring at me, and I wasn't suprised. I could see the headlines now, Demi Lovatoemotional freak of nature! I didn't care. It didn't matter to me anymore. In fact, _nothing _mattered to me anymore.

I rounded the corner. Almost there. I could see the giant, large concrete gate. Coming out of the cracks in it were flowers. They were beautiful. There was Lavendar, Lillies,(a/n:haha), Roses. And the last one I saw made me get even more choked up. Daises. His favourite flowers; the last ones I brought to him. (A/N: you should have figured that out by now!!) Be strong, I told myself.

I walked right up to the concrete gate, and pushed it open weakly, it slowly creaked. I quickly walked into the cemetery, and glanced around. I was going to get this over with. I walked down the unfamiliar row, looking for something I didn't want to believe was here. I spotted what I was looking for, but it was only because of the last name that was very uncommon. I stole a second glance at it. It looked so different from when I last saw it. It was covered in dust, moss and the pitch black of the tombstone that matched his hair so well had faded. A single tear ran down my cheek. It had been so long.

I read the tombstone, trying to remember what was written on it. I read it slowly, taking in every word written about him.

_Here Lies_

_Joseph Adam Jonas_

_August 15th 1989-October 29th 2009_

_Loving son, brother and lover_

_Dedicated musician_

_Forever in our hearts._

**These Autumn leaves,**

**All these Autumn Leaves...**

"Hey, Joey," I said, speaking the words I dare not utter since he had gone. "I needed to give you something," I continued, talking to someone who wouldn't hear me. I slowly took the envelope out of my pocket. I took one last glance at it, and placed it upon the green grass directly in front of the tombstone.

I started to cry as I spoke. "Joey... I miss you so much. And I love you. I really, really love you. I do, Joey." I said the words that had been in my heart for so long. I wished he would come and wipe away my tears, but I knew it wasn't possible. It just wasn't.

20 minutes later, I found myself standing in the middle of the park where he told me he had been diagnosed with Cancer. I didn't cry at all. I simply strode over to the giant tree-our meeting place-and picked up a small leaf from the pile in front of it. I quickly found my way back to the cemetery-then him. Above the envelope, I placed the small, withered leaf. I knew he'd like it if he were here.

"It's all for you, Joey," I whispered with more passion that I had ever spoken, I knew it was true. It was all for him. Every last thing.

**All these Autumn Leaves are yours tonight**

--

Yooo again! Like it? Leave it? Lemme know, I wanna hear thoughts on it!:D:). Did anyone guess Joe was dead? If so, congrats and bravo!

I tried my best to make it match the song... I'm not sure if I did well. Even if you think this story sucked, you should check out ALL of Paolo Nutini's music. Haha, I'm like a walking ad, aren't I? xPxD! Well, hope you liked it!

Review, and I'll dedicate a Jemi/Doe oneshot to ya!:D

Love,

♥mi


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